Sorting Through Memory Lane

Moving sucks. There's just no other way to describe the existential dread that accompanies the purging and packing of one's life to continue on in a new environment. And I hate packing most of all.

One of the things I love/hate most about moving is sorting through all the personal trinkets I've collected along the way. What do I keep? What do I toss? Remember that person? Where did I get this from? And OH, THE MEMORIES...

I came across a box today. I've kept this box with me everywhere I've lived for the last 23 years. It contains every scrap of paper, every carefully folded page, every passed note, every postmarked letter I received between 1993 and 1997, my years in high school.

It all started when I came home from school one day and needed to empty my backpack of all the crap that had accumulated in the bottom to make room for the books that I could no longer cram into it. I looked at all the funny things my friends and I shared in nonsensical scribbles and decided to just dump it into a box and sort it for the important bits at a later date. Soon, it grew into a challenge to myself. "Keep this for yourself. Every scrap. Every dramatic interlude. Every stupid joke. Every crush. Everything. Even the bad poetry. Keep it all. Keep it until you're old and married and have kids. Keep it as a window to your youth, because you will lose touch with that person and that person is pretty rad. You'll want to remember her exactly as she was. Just you wait and see."

Over the years, other things have been dumped in there as well. Cards, trinkets, all kinds of things got tossed into this weird time capsule I made. Unfortunately, this caused a problem. Candies left in envelopes had melted layers of pages into a sticky mess on the bottom. So today, I cleaned the box and discarded all that could not be salvaged.

As I dug through the overwhelming stack of paper, I was flooded with memories. It was fun at first, then bittersweet, then entirely overwhelming. It took me over an hour and I certainly did not look at even half of the pages, but the job is done. I was able to salvage most of what was there, purge a bit that no longer needed saving, and secure what remained in a new container. I'm relieved that so much will be safe for a few more years.

As I sifted, I found Christmas cards from my grandmothers, both of whom were very dear to me and died years ago; their soft cursive felt warm in my heart. I found silly notes, passed out of sheer boredom between myself and some of the best friends I will ever know. I found parts of me that I had forgotten, memories that had all but faded. I saw how deeply I loved and how painfully I lost. I savored all of it, like a familiar smell that reminds you of home.

I wonder if anyone still passes notes in class. We used to fold them so elaborately and hand them off under desks and between classes. There was a tension when someone didn't write back right away, questions left unanswered. "Are you coming over tonight to hang out?" "Who's your crush?" "What did he/she say about xyz?" "Do you think he/she likes me?" "I'm bored. What are you doing?" Pages upon pages of anything besides actual schoolwork.

I hope note-writing isn't a dead art. I hope it's not just texting and Snapchat. I hope these generations still have stupid, hilarious conversations like we did, penned on real paper, so some ridiculous, sentimental fool like myself can look back 23 years from now and think, "Huh. I actually was pretty rad all those years ago. And maybe life wasn't simpler then, but we sure knew how to live."

FAQs and Other Information

I've been asked a lot of questions about this move. This is a big change and it's really no wonder that there are so many whys and hows raised when the topic comes up. I'll try to address as much as I can here, but please feel free to come and talk to me if your curiosity isn't satisfied after reading this post. This is a very exciting time for me and I want everyone to feel fully informed.


Why are you moving to Florida?

It has become clear to me that Sitka will not provide me with the environment I need to continue to thrive. The cost of living is nearly insurmountable. There are few jobs and even fewer opportunities for me to advance and grow out here. The weather is not complimentary to my physical and mental health. Housing is extremely limited and widely unregulated here, in terms of quality and pricing. I want better opportunities for my children than what I've seen Sitka provide for others.


Yes, but why Florida?

Honestly, it has everything to do with the fact that I've never spent any amount of time on the East Coast and that the established wages and job market will support me there. Otherwise, I could have pinned an atlas to a wall and thrown a dart at it with much the same effect. I've done the Southwest. I've done The Last Frontier. I'm very familiar with the West Coast, the Midwest, and the "shallow" South. I needed something new and completely different to both satiate my wanderlust and provide me with the perspective I need to decide where I want to be farther in the future. Going back to the places I know, despite the comfort there, just feels like a move in the wrong direction. Comfort breeds complacency and "familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration." (Apuleius)


But nobody likes Florida...

Nobody likes Miami. Miami is a terrible, filthy city. Seriously, screw Miami. But all of Florida is not Miami. There are some very lovely places throughout the Sunshine State and I believe I've found one.


Where are you moving, then?

I'm moving to Lakeland, FL, which is located in Polk county in central Florida, nestled right between Tampa and Orlando. I'll be an hour away from all the excitement of either city (including beaches and amusement parks), but Lakeland has a population of only around 100,000 people. It's a bit of a hub between the two larger cities and has all the amenities I will need. The crime rate is passable, the schools are moderate, jobs and decent wages are attainable, the cost of living is low, and I do have a few friends in the area. I'm honestly not treating this as a forever place to be, but it's not a terrible place to end up if that's the way it works out.

Downtown Lakeland

Won't the humidity/heat kill you?
Look, I spent 30 years in Arizona. I love the heat. I miss July in the desert. I would take 110°F over 40°F any day of the week. And yes, I'm well aware the heat is different with humidity. Living in Alaska has prepared me well for all of that, considering the average humidity on the daily is 50% or better. (Try 80°F in a rainforest sometime. I dare you.) So, I'll give it a shot. It might still suck, but I'm bringing my big girl pants with me and I'll figure out how to make it work just like everyone else out there--with central air. Oh, and seasons? Totally overrated.

What about hurricanes?

They exist. Occasionally, they will affect me. Tropical storms are also a potential issue. But I've dealt with earthquakes and tsunamis in Alaska, as well as heat-related injury in Arizona, and wilderness in both places. No place is perfect. Literally everywhere you go could kill you. This is no different. Additionally, central Florida contains the safest cities for severe weather.


Doesn't Florida have mosquitoes/alligators/sharks/killer snails/snakes/spiders/etc.?

Alaska has giant friggin' bears that just want to rip your intestines out, 'cuz they taste good. And orcas. And sea lions, which attack pretty indiscriminately and play with their food. And mollusks so poisonous, they will paralyze and kill you within hours if you eat them. Arizona has Gila monsters, scorpions, rattlesnakes, mountain lions, javelina, coyotes, brown recluse and black widow spiders, locusts, tarantulas, and on, and on... Pfft, I got this.


Do you have a job lined up?

No. And neither does Aaron. We both have resumes and applications sent out to a number of places. We've spoken to managers and hiring personnel. We have contacts to connect with as soon as we get there. Basically, it boils down to the industry we both work in. Jobs in customer service/hospitality/food service typically hire on sight. It's going to be very difficult for us to gain employment without being there in person, but we both have killer resumes with oodles of experience. I'm not worried. We'll get jobs as soon as our boots hit the ground. And, if it proves harder than we thought to gain employment with our first (or second, or third) choices, we're both prepared to slum it at Denny's or similar until something better comes along. A paycheck is a paycheck until we're stable and there's no shame in slinging hash for a while.


Do you have a place to live lined up?

Yes! We have our living situation completely worked out! As soon as we get there, we will be moving into a townhouse we've rented. It's 2-bed, 1.5-bath, 2 stories, with a private patio and a lake view. It's basically my dream rental! The buildings and property are gorgeous. The best part is, we'll only be paying $1026/month rent, including pet fees and tax.

building exterior

community aerial

Are you flying or driving to Florida?
We're flying. I really considered driving, but it's more cost effective this way.


What about your cat?

Rosie is 8 years old now and I've had her since she was 7 months. She's coming with me. One of the big reasons I was considering driving was because I knew it would be easier for her. She's made huge road trips in the past with no problems and I know how to keep her happy on the road. The shortest flight I could find is 13 hours, total travel time. For a cat that hates being kenneled, this is no laughing matter and I had to be sure I could keep her calm and safe before I bought plane tickets. Additionally, Alaska Airlines has an incredibly detailed pet policy, so I had to navigate that and make sure everything was perfect. After a trip to the vet and a desperate search for an airline-approved kennel, everything fell into place. Rosie will travel lightly sedated in the cargo area of the plane. She will be comfortable in her new kennel and have food and water available to her. Pro tip: Alaska Airlines actually sells approved kennels from their cargo desk and they were extremely helpful.


So you bought your plane tickets already?

Yup! There's nothing stopping me now! Everything is ready to go. All I have left is to pack my clothes and essentials, sell everything else, and board the plane on October 7th.


You're selling everything?

I'm selling everything. This includes my furniture, car, electronics, kitchen stuff, EVERYTHING. We've already started to slowly sell things off, but we're also planning a yard sale in a couple of weeks. The goal is to bring only clothing and no more than half a dozen medium boxes to Florida. And even that is either going via USPS or Alaska Airlines with us. Trust me, it's cheaper to buy new, than pay to ship. I'm also really looking forward to going completely minimalist with my possessions again.


You haven't mentioned the kids yet, aren't they coming with you?

The kids have already started their school year here in Sitka and we want this to be as painless of a transition as possible, so we've arranged to keep the kids in school in Sitka for at least this school year. They won't be moving with me, but they'll come down to visit during winter break and again for summer break. At that point, we'll reassess and make a plan for next year. Right now, both the kids are doing very well in school and they are very excited about new adventures in Florida. We've discussed at length with them how things will be difficult and different without me here with them and I think they are as ready as they can be for this big transition. I'm going to miss them terribly, but I know this is the right decision for me and for them. Luckily, the technology required to talk to them and see them whenever the need arises exists. I anticipate many phone calls, text messages, and video chats to come.


You're sure this is what you want to do?

Yes. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. I've never been more sure of anything.


Are you ready for all of this?

Bring it! I'm ready.

The Sky's the Limit

I happen to know one one the best bush pilots in Alaska personally. His name is Ken Bellows and he's been flying in Alaska longer than anyone can remember. He has a perfect record, not a single crash, which is really saying something considering how dangerous the weather and terrain are out here. Aside from being an excellent pilot, Ken's a pretty good guy. His hotshot days are over, but he still likes to stretch his wings and have some fun.

Ken is Air Sitka, or I guess you could say Air Sitka is Ken. He's also the owner/operator of Fly In Fish Inn, where I was employed for my last year in Sitka. Ken and I have been through some battles in the business together and there's a lot of respect between us. So it was of little surprise when he asked me if I'd like to bring the kids and get up in the air with him. Today was the first really nice day in nearly two weeks, so the kids and I went over and had breakfast before climbing into the float plane and taking a little tour. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...

Take off

Compact controls

Backside of Verstovia

The new Blue Lake Dam extension

Glaciers

Green Lake

Sitka, AK

Rocky Gutierrez International Airport

Sweet ride

Why I Must Chase the Sunshine or: How I Learned to Love Myself and Leave Alaska

I lived the first 30 years of my life in Arizona. I love the desert. I like to joke that I have sand in my veins; I miss the enveloping warmth, the intense petrichor and violent thunderstorms, the spectacular sunsets, and the well-kept roads that stretch on into innumerable places to be and things to do. I don't miss the dimming of intelligence that accompanies large numbers of people packed into bustling cities, traffic, inner-city violence, or the annual TV News segment where some rookie correspondent incredulously fries an egg on the sidewalk. But it's where I was born and I learned to love it for what it was, much the same way that a child loves his or her belligerent drunk uncle: no one even pretends to like him, but he's family and he's worth the visit once in a while, if only for the $20 he gifts you every Christmas.

When I moved away in 2010, I was married with two small children. I was deeply in love with my husband. I was optimistic for our new family. I was ready for all the adventures life would bring. It was during the end of The Recession and jobs were hard to find, primarily teaching jobs, particularly teaching jobs in the arts. We were tired of where we were. We were both employed, but terribly unhappy. It seemed a perfect opportunity to feed our wanderlust and find a better life, so he applied everywhere. Dozens of applications were sent out all over the world. Only two prospects responded: a private school for underprivileged children in Hershey, Pennsylvania and a public boarding school in Sitka, Alaska.

We came to Sitka entirely sight-unseen. Neither of us had ever even set foot in the state. The job was accepted over the phone. It was our Great Adventure, so we blogged every step of the journey for posterity. It was terrifying and wonderful and liberating all at once.

But life does not simply sit in the stands and watch you play the game; life is an expert pitcher that specializes in curve balls. After 4 years in Sitka, our marriage ended. I had open heart surgery. The kids struggled to stabilize in this new family situation. I fought bout after bout of depression and wrestled with daily anxiety attacks. After having been a stay-at-home parent for so long, I had to reestablish myself in the workplace and learn to make a living all over again. With the help of amazing friends and a variety of medical professionals, I kept my head above water. I didn't just survive, I have thrived.

One thing I learned about myself over the last two years is that my mental and physical health is inextricably tied to the weather. Sunny days lift my spirits to incredible levels. My chronic pain subsides. I feel confident, active, productive. The more sunshine I get, the less frequently I get ill. By contrast, as the rainy days link together in their seemingly endless periods of dreary slog out here, I fall back into depression. No amount of exercise or activity seems to shake the oppressive greyness that blankets everything. I struggle to even get out of bed. I get sick with common viruses more easily. I simply can't function normally and become sad and bitter and lethargic.

And so, I must chase the sunshine to a new life, a healthier life.

Sitka has given a wonderful home for these 6 years. It's a good community, where I'm proud to have raised my children. I've made friends that will share in the rest of my life. I've had adventures beyond imagining in a landscape that is truly beyond compare. And I've grown here. I've become a whole person, someone who loves herself and her life in ways she never thought she could. I've earned respect from the people around me and I've developed a strong sense of self. These things are priceless and invaluable and I am so very grateful for all of it.

But the time has come for me to continue forward, to have new adventures and seek out the best possible environment for me and my children. This is why I'm moving to Florida. It's completely new and different and just... not Sitka. and not Arizona either. It's a new life to conquer and new people to know and a whole lot of sunshine to fill my days. On October 7, 2016, my plane will depart from Rocky Gutierrez International Airport in Sitka, Alaska for the very last time.

I'm ready.